Sunday, November 30, 2008
An Alternative Christian History
Originally published by Real Clear Politics - July 12, 2007
What if we just switch names and put Jesus in place of Mohammed?
Jesus receives messages from God and travels to Jerusalem to preach his revelations. He is rejected by the religious establishment and forced to leave the city. He takes up his new residence in Bethlehem and through his preaching succeeds in creating a large loyal following.
He sustains this new movement by raiding passing caravans and -- after receiving special divine dispensation -- beheading the defenders. He then marries several wives, including -- after receiving special divine dispensation -- a nine year old girl. Next, he raises an army and attacks Jerusalem where, after putting all of his enemies to the sword, he succeeds in capturing the city.
His new found religion flourishes and after many bloody wars spreads over the entire geographical area. He dies. There ensues a violent dispute over the succession between Saint Peter and Saint Paul. Saint Paul is assassinated and his followers go into exile. Saint Peter is proclaimed to be Jesus' legitimate successor.
Several generations pass and eventually the Pauline exiles find a new leader in Saint Jerome. Under his inspired leadership they rise up and attack Jerusalem. They lose the battle and Saint Jerome is beheaded. The Jeromists become a persecuted minority within Christianity and spend the next fourteen centuries waiting for revenge. Their symbol is the severed head of Saint Jerome.
This religion is known the world over as a religion of peace.