Top Ten Most Pathetic Political Quotes Of 2008

After checking out Fred R. Shapiro's choice of quotes for 2008 (that's the article you've seen plastered all over the internet this past week), Political Vindication decided we could do far better. So here it is - the best (and by definition, the worst) political quotes of election year 2008.

10) As the election hysteria rose to a feverish pitch in 2008, Obama followers were balancing on their toes in orgasmic anticipation of The One's ascension. This quote, recorded at a rally, reflects perfectly the dementia running rampant among the glazed-eyed crowds:

"It was the most memorable time of my life. It was a touching moment because I never thought this day would ever happen. I won’t have to worry about putting gas in my car. I won’t have to worry about paying my mortgage. You know, if I help him, he’s gonna help me.”

9) Barney Frank, chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, had been saying for years that there was nothing wrong with either the finances or practices of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. When the government sponsored private institutions collapsed and brought on the collapse of the economy, Barney changed his tune. Suddenly it was all the Republican's fault!

"They get to take things out on poor people," Frank said at a mortgage foreclosure symposium in Boston. "Let's be honest: The fact that some of the poor people are black doesn't hurt them either, from their standpoint. This is an effort, I believe, to appeal to a kind of anger in people."

8 ) It seems irony is an elephant that never forgets. As the Democrats began the political season boasting a diversity in all but dogmatic liberalism, it didn't take long before everyone began pulling out the shame cards they'd been using against Republicans for years. This time, though, they were pulling it out on each other. Bill Clinton, America's "first black president", was not amused by Obama's quick draw:

"I think that they played the race card on me. And we now know, from memos from the campaign and everything that they planned to do it all along."

7) When the issue of abortion is being debated in the Catholic community, it's expected that we defer to church doctrine. Unless, of course, you're Nancy Pelosi. Then you defer to...well, Senator Augustine. What did he say about when life begins? The Speaker tells us:

REP. PELOSI: "I would say that as an ardent, practicing Catholic, this is an issue that I have studied for a long time. And what I know is, over the centuries, the doctors of the church have not been able to make that definition. And Senator–St. Augustine said at three months. We don’t know....(skip ahead) I don’t think anybody can tell you when life begins, human life begins. As I say, the Catholic Church for centuries has been discussing this, and there are those who’ve decided…"

MR. BROKAW: "The Catholic Church at the moment feels very strongly that it…"

REP. PELOSI: "I understand that."

MR. BROKAW: "…begins at the point of conception."

REP. PELOSI: "I understand. And this is like maybe 50 years or something like that. So again, over the history of the church, this is an issue of controversy. But it is, it is also true that God has given us, each of us, a free will and a responsibility to answer for our actions. And we want abortions to be safe, rare, and reduce the number of abortions..."

6) It's tough to pick a winner among the hundreds of examples of Sarah Palin derangement that poisoned minds and wet panties across the leftosphere during the 2008 election. Liberals assured us she was a "disabled" "blow up doll" and the only thing that differentiated her from a Muslim fundamentalist was lipstick. But for pure malicious moonbattery, no one matches the camp commander of paranoia, Naomi Wolf:

"Please understand what you are looking at when you look at Sarah "Evita" Palin. You are looking at the designated muse of the coming American police state."

"Under the coming Palin-Rove police state, you will witness the plans now underway to bring Iraqi troops to patrol the streets of our nation. This is not McCain's fantasy: it is Rove's and Cheney's."

5) The Middle East is a bloody cauldron of medieval malevolence that is near to boiling over, or it's not. Many on the left, including President Hopeandchange, are willing to hold on to their shoes and listen respectfully to what nuke-waving leaders like Mahmud Ahmadinejad have to say about the prospects of peace in our time.

"You should know that the criminal and terrorist Zionist regime which has 60 years of plundering, aggression and crimes in its file has reached the end of its work and will soon disappear off the geographical scene," he said,

"Today, the time for the fall of the satanic power of the United States has come and the countdown to the annihilation of the emperor of power and wealth has started."

4) Patriotism is a touchy issue around election time. Americans will think you're bullying them into submission with the insinuation that to reject your call for their sacrifice is to hate your country. So naturally, the noted gaffemaster Joe Biden reached for the flag with one hand and your wallet with the other, singing:

“We want to take money and put it back in the pocket of middle class people,” said Biden today during an appearance on Good Morning America. “Anyone making over $250,000…” the host began to question, “Is going to pay more,” Biden interjected. “You got it. It’s time to be patriotic, Kate. It’s time to jump in, it’s time to be part of the deal, it’s time to help get America out of the rut.”

3) Being leader of the free world is a full time job, and there's really nowhere to hide from the philosophical conundrums that demand a direct answer. This realization hit the presumptive President Hopeandchange one day in August as he was levitating under the klieg lights of Saddleback Church, being asked where on the pay scale we would find a world leader capable of deciding when a baby deserved human rights. He quickly discovered another way to vote 'present':

“Well, uh, you know, I think that whether you’re looking at it from a theological perspective or, uh, a scientific perspective, uh, answering that question with specificity, uh, you know, is, is, uh, above my pay grade.”

2) In Hollywood they say the streets are lined with fool's gold, but it never look so good between a set of silicone street cones. I guess that's why Americans think the script readers from tinsel town are capable of governing states and lecturing us on impending environmental catastrophes. Aspiring catastrophe Brooke Hogan is eager to offer a little wisdom of her own:

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”

1) People will pay good money for a top notch prognosticator, but what if you could get somewhere near the truth for free by deciphering grunts from the psychic's dog? Maxine Waters, psychic version of a poodle with a personality disorder, sprayed us with a golden version of the future when she let it slip what government would do to the economy if free market principles interfered with a good time:

Waters responded, in part, “And guess what this liberal would be all about. This liberal will be about socializing … uh, um. …”

The congresswoman paused to collect her thoughts.

“Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies."

Well, you know what they say - you hang out with dogs, you got to live with the fleas. There's little doubt about why this country is in the shape it is - America is run by mangy creatures threatening us with the shampoo we ought to be scrubbing them with. But what if we did kick them all out, and the congress was a kennel full of new faces and a free neuter and spade clinic in the coat room? We'd still get what we voted for. If anything is ever going to change, it's going to have to start with the people holding the leashes.