Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Chemo Thoughts: The End of My World?

Earlier today a friend emailed me to ask how I was doing. I assumed they were referring to my ongoing battle with leukemia. I answered that I was doing fine. I had determined early on when I got that first lethal prognosis that I was not going to use the pages of Radarsite for a continual updating on the morbid details of my chemotherapy. So I answered that I was doing fine. But, I wonder, how am I really doing? Am I really doing fine?

Nothing concentrates the mind like a death sentence. Especially one that is so close at hand and almost certain. Priorities are immediately questioned and reshuffled. What seemed of great import yesterday may have lost much or all of its weight today. The love and closeness of family and friends becomes paramount; whereas the opinions of strangers become less and less relevant. The often frenetic muddle of everyday life is quickly subsumed into the greater if quieter battle for life itself. There's only enough space left in your life for those things of real value, or perhaps for those values which are real. There's just not enough time left for empty rhetoric or endless gentlemanly debate. In whatever time is left you must embrace your family and your values and hold them dear.

The whole purpose of developing Radarsite was to speak up for America. To come to her defense. To answer her enemies and her critics with truth. To fight for the truth in the face of the relentless barrage of propaganda and lies. In short, a place to express my love and my respect for America and for American values. This mission has never wavered. The wonderful contributors whose fine work now fills these pages all share this love and respect for our great nation.

And now? Oh, I still love this beautiful country of ours, this wonderful meritocracy we call home. But my love is tinged with anxiety and fear. Like the love for a child who has gone astray, who has ignored all of our good advice and chosen an ignoble path to self-destruction. We can only watch helplessly as they slip further and further from our embrace and deeper and deeper into the black pit.

How do I feel? my friend asks. Here's how I really feel. From those very first days I have accepted my personal prognosis completely and without complaint. I am grateful for the endlessly fascinating life I have been allowed to live. But I have not yet accepted the dire fate that awaits my beloved country. I am filled with shame and disbelief at what we have become, what we are becoming, what we are giving up, what we have forgotten. My usually dependable inherent optimism has been all but eroded by the preposterous events of these last few years. That America I have so long loved and respected has been turned upside down. Those values that separated us from the rest of the world have either been ingloriously degraded or completely abandoned. We no longer know who we are or what we stand for. We allow others to define us, we allow our sworn enemies -- both within and without -- to determine our national agendas. We are in the fateful process of completely losing our national identity. And according to our recent elections, this makes half of our population happy. Half of our population considers our formerly-precious American identity to be the problem. America is what's wrong with this world. To fix the world we must therefore change what it means to be an American. Change we can believe in.

We are presently besieged by savage enemies. Islamists, Marxists, Anarchists, cruel dictators and criminal tyrants. We are besieged by alien cults of death who nurse apocalyptic visions of destruction. Everything that we hold dear is under attack and threatened. But the most dangerous and shameless enemy of all lives right here amongst us. Our very own treacherous patriots, who rush to give the keys to the kingdom to the barbarians at our gates. The idiots, the fools, the delusional liberals, and those elitist amoral progressives who honestly believe that by utterly destroying the fabric of this great nation they will somehow save it. They have traded our pride for guilt and our strength for safety. And I despise them for it. I despise them more than I despise our sworn enemies, because our sworn enemies do not disguise their motives under the cloak of patriotism.

And what of our innocent children? Our beloved grandchildren? What godless world have we bequeathed to them? What is our message to these innocents? There is no right or wrong. Everything is relative. All peoples and all belief systems are morally equal. There is no such thing as good or evil, just different points of view. War is morally wrong, no matter what its purpose. To defend yourself with violence is as unjustifiable as to attack one with violence.

How do I feel? I have been told that my life is coming to an end. So be it. I can deal with that. But can I deal with the prospect of my beloved country coming to an end? Is my beloved country eagerly embracing its own demise? Will our new America truly be willing to fight for its survival in this savage world? Or, as it seems to me now, have we chosen the ignoble road of appeasement and dishonor? Is there still hope for us?

Someone out there please tell me that I am wrong, that my pessimism is premature or unfounded, that my deductions are somehow flawed. Someone please tell me that I can leave this world in peace and not in this awful despair for our future. - rg


  1. Roger, please don't take this the wrong way. Perhaps, just perhaps, you are the lucky one, being allowed to leave before the final bottoming out of this country. You will be allowed to retain your beautiful memories while those of us left will have to deal with the hell which has only cracked open at this point.

    The country was put on life support November 4, 2008. The final plug will be pulled January 21, 2009. America, the true America, has died.

  2. I don't believe that you are right in this. This nation has survived worse than what it now faces. We survived slavery (that destruction of a nation's soul) and a bloody civil war. We survived the crash of 29 and the Great Depression. We survived the years of decent and aggravation known as the 60's. We survived the 70's with Watergate, Disco and Carter. We even survived Clinton.

    This is a nation that will survive. No matter what happens, we as a nation will come out stronger than before.

    Miss Beth is wrong. I won't pull the plug on America yet. I still see some life in the patient.

    As for you my dear friend, I know that God, the most merciful and loving, has a great reward for you. That which you are facing now, we all face, whether we realize it daily or not. I know that even in the next life, you will not or could not be silent. I can picture you arguing with God Himself on why he should do this thing or that thing. And it will be nice to know that there is at least one loud voice in heaven shouting our cause!

  3. You're absolutely wrong Beth and Carla. We don't need that kind of pessimism and defeatism - that's the cancer that paralyzes the spirit when we most need it. You've now become part of the problem.

    This country was on the brink of dissolution during the civil war, it would have been reasonable to fear for our country then. Imagine the fear during the depression, a collapse that scarred a generation. During world wars and natural calamities, during riots in the streets and presidents who blamed Americans for the challenges the country was facing - Americans were right to ponder the consequences. Things have been so much worse - so much more dire than now, and those generations found within themselves people that pulled the rest along. It was at those times the silent majority rose to crush the elitists and call out the sunshine patriots. They saved a nation in desperate straits by reminding it that God has blessed this nation particularly with a love for freedom and a talent for innovation. Reminded them that we're a jealous crowd who are eager to fight for our rights, and we've done so time and time again. The courage and patriotism of an uncommon population is what has made us into an empire that rivals any that has ever existed in history. To compare these days with the challenges of our history is no comparison at all. It is because we are a decent and productive nation that we haven't fallen prey to hysteria when danger lurks. But when that danger turns full face toward us, it will meet the same fate as those we have met before. This country is so much stronger and deeper than naysayers can fathom. The only real threat is in forgetting who we are and why we fight. In times of peace, and we are in one (relatively speaking), teaching those lessons are paramount.

    And that's where patriots like Roger come in. Political winds may blow the weak minded around, but the strong - those who know our history - never forget what defines us. All over this nation there are millions upon millions of us - in our churches, meeting halls and serving in the military and government - that make up the silent majority poised and patient. It happens occasionally that we may lose a battle, but then comes a Reagan, and the heart of a proud nation declares that we'll never surrender the war. This is because our elders taught us as much. So it's gonna take more than Obama and a pack of political animals to rope into submission greater America - and you underestimate our passion and loyalty to this nation's founding principles if you believe otherwise.

    So Roger - don't worry about us - you've spent a lifetime teaching the next generation why this nation is special, and what it's going to take to preserve it. When one dwells in the belly of the beast it can seem that so many around you are poisoned, but listen closely...that sound you hear from outside are fresh troops, arriving every day, and pledging their swords to the battle. The dragon roars, but she only serves as a clarion call to join in her destruction.

    Have faith. We live and breath your legacy. And you will live forever.

  4. Roger, first a question for Katie: what's wrong with Disco? :-)

    I'm mixed on this. Many days I think we cannot overcome the circumstances you have so perfectly described.

    We see that the hearts and minds of too many Americans have gone all wobbly. As you said in your Rome essay, when the citizens become lax and drunk with their comfortable circumstances, and no longer are committed to protecting that which gave them comfort, then the country is lost because the sons are no longer taught that the country is worth fighting for (in your defense, this is my paraphrase of your words).

    Other mornings I wake knowing that God has plans, and we cannot know those plans, but only pray that His wisdom governs. No matter what, He is in charge. That suffices until I turn on the television or read the news.

    America has come back and back and back. Each time though, the climb was steeper, and each time the core of America changed a bit, and not for the better. Each time we left some traditions littering the trail. Most of the time, these traditions mattered, but there they lay. And here we are today.

    I don't know the answer friend. I can't say your deductions are flawed, but remember, half of America still believes the way you believe. And many young adults will get some maturity under their belts in a few years and we know that the young and Liberal often do not stay Liberal. Perhaps they will be facing so many obstacles to their own pursuit of happiness that they will turn their backs (hopefully not the soles of their shoes) on the insanity. Heaven knows, we have enough history to teach us what works and what doesn't.

    Let not your heart be troubled, Rog. You've done what you can do. You'll continue doing what you can do. God is in charge here. Rest in Him.

  5. Actually there is nothing wrong with Disco, just the culture that arouse from it.

    I have to have faith in America.

    1. I can't find a decent apartment in Israel.

    2. If I think Chicago is cold, Canada is colder.

    So I'm stuck here praying and working for the future.

  6. Roger my friend,

    The same God who is carrying you through your ordeal with cancer, is still in control of this world. He has not taken his hands off you and he has not taken his hands off the United States of America, that was founded on freedom and on faith in God.

    I know things look grim, but there have always been wars and dictators and evil people, and there always will be … until the end of our lives and until the end of the world, until Christ returns.

    Only God Himself knows the future, we mere humans can only guess at what is in store.

    So don’t give up the faith for yourself and do not give up the faith for this beautiful country, America.

    As you know, I posted this at Stop the ACLU, but I wanted to post here at YOUR site too.

    We love all you Roger, you're an inspiration.

    Debbie Hamilton
    Right Truth

  7. Roger,

    Your article is beatiful, and I would like to cross-post it on fousesquawk. Yes, we are facing a real crisis in our history, and I share your fears.

    Yet, our country does have a way to overcome these things. We have an innate ability at some point to recognize that something is wrong amd must be addressed. The Civil Rights Movement was a shing example.

    Similarly, when America can produce people like yourself, then I know that all is not lost. Like an alcoholic or drug addict, we may have to hit bottom before we wake up and make things right.

    Like you, I am angry. What I saw last Saturday in LA infuriated me, yet, I knew that as a representative of the Good Side, we had an obligation to behave like a civilized people and let the Hamas supporters show the public what they really are even while a major boulevard had to shut down so they could damn our ally on our soil.

    Don't get down. This may sound strange, but I learned in my law enforcement career, at a certain point, we need to detach ourselves from the ugliness of what we see in our job and on the six o'clock news and enjoy all the good things that are still around us in this world.

    At the same time it is our job to point out to the public what is going wrong in America. Right now with a socialist agenda coming to Washington, it is easy to think we have lost our war. Things will swing back our way. We have to do our part.

    I thank you for the honor of allowing me to participate in your blog--and I still think you are going to be around a lot longer than what those doctors told you.


  8. 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

    Once again my friend you have struck a note not often reached. Your eloquence and clarity are refreshing and on point.

    I wish I could share in the optimism expressed here and allay your fears, if even for a moment. However, I foresee a long struggle ahead and a future that is unclear.

    Perhaps I have been in the battle too long. The pernicious hatred that seems to permeate our country by those who are determined to destroy it is of a nature I've not seen in my lifetime. To say it is anything but evil is undermining its very nature.

    Yes our nation has been through some very harrowing times in the past and we have survived...even thrived. Unfortunately I fail to see the same prevailing spirit that got us through those times, though perhaps in a few of us. While there is always hope, I have no reason for enthusiastic optimism.

    We are clearly in a fight for our way of life and though we may be outnumbered, I, like many of our friends, refuse to run from it.

    Like you I will fight until my last breath and hope that my children have been instilled with the same fierce resolve.

    The weariness in me at times is overwhelming but I have not given up hope of better days. It may cost us all dearly, but then I am no predicter of the future. I can only act on what I perceive.

    I have seen too much complacency in recent months and years, and apathy at times runs high among the very people we trust. And yet their is still this one small light of hope. Dim though it might be, it hasn't completely left us.

    My prayers are with you Roger.

    Thank you for all that you have done and all that you have shared with us. God speed my friend.

  9. Katie, you know my comment was in jest - just being cheeky. I understand completely.

  10. Roger, you are in my prayers. You are a great American, thank you for your website. We face many challenges today, but we will rise above them. Don't give up hope for our country, she will once again be that bright shiny beacon.

  11. Sir, I found your site through Donald Douglas' site American Power. He posted an exerpt from your site and your final 2 paragraphs dovetail exactly with my site. It heartens me to know that my inclinations, dreams, and doubts are echoed by you so closely, as you've never been to my site. I will be looking closely at yours and look forward to an active conversation. Feel free to stop in and leave your two cents worth. I'd be honored.

    Also, I would like to say that I thank my God for the good work he has started in you. I pray for you to recieve healing and strength with the sure knowledge that everything is possible in Christ Jesus.

    And lastly, I must tell you two things. The first is that you are not wrong. This land that we love, and fight for even now, has a cancer in its bones. Moral equivelancy and narcisism have eroded our ability to fight off the attacks on our nation's soul. But there is good news to be had. Even if the lord delivers you out of this awful mess, remember that it has to happen. Our country was a force for good in this world, and it was powerful in its youth. Too much so. With a super power of our size to fight for the good, there was no room for prophecy to be fulfilled. Look to Ezekiel chapters 38 and 39. Do a little checking on the possibilities in who Magog could be, and then apply the daily news.

    Everything is happening as God wills it. You and I fight our tendency towards patriotic desires to see this land endure. I still fight to put off the inevitable, but also, I won't mourn too much when the world is forced to recognize the truth.

  12. Countless Americans have left this life thinking that the state of the Union is strong and unthreatened. They were wrong.

    Despite all the signs we see, signs that American is in dire straits and possibly falling, none of us have a crystal ball. All we can do in this life is follow the path and fight the fight to which we've been called.

    Sometimes reality is pessimism. But we must never succumb to fatalism.

  13. Roger,

    I am not a praying kind, but I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    As for America - this great country went through worse patches, and I don't for a second believe that it will go down the drain because of this or another POTUS or because this or another financial misfortune. This is not wishful thinking, but an unshakable belief.

    And I am not even an American.

    All the best in all the possible worlds.

  14. Roger,

    What a powerful piece you've written here! Just another example of the brilliance you possess, sir.

    The comments here have been phenomenal and could literally be reprinted in an article by themselves. I will only add this: I was in a counter-jihad chat room the other night and we pretty much were discussing these fears for our country that you have pointed out, Roger and one person sat rather silent during the exchange and then, only placed one sentence into the chat which I found profound:

    "If it gets too bad, we simply rise up and take this country back."

    Roger, thank you for all you do, may G_d continue to bless you and give you strength.

  15. The words of the Apostle Paul "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain"

    Excellent and insightful post Roger, conveying the thoughts and fears of many.

    We know how the book ends and what is written in the penultimate chapter.

    Stay strong, and do not lose heart as you press on with the race that is set before you.

    God bless you


  16. America is and always will be the greatest country on earth. That fact will never change.

    What will change is I think people will realize it. Liberals for the past 8 years have been able to blame Bush for whatever challenges and problems besieged the country, notably the hatred of the Islamic world.

    However, with Obama in office, the rhetoric of the America haters (in and outside the country) will seem very shallow. We will finally be able to see Islam for the evil it is now that their (still indefensible, but internationally approved) excuse for terrorism will be leaving office. If the Islamists continue to rail against the US, liberals will have to content with the fact that terrorists are criticizing THEIR president. That should make them think more. The hypocrisy of the world that hates the US will be revealed.

    Have hope.

    Either way, the end of human civilization is nearly upon us. As we enter the machine civilization through the singularity American values will still remain strong as our species departs on an exciting journey of discovery and transformation.

    Computers exceed human intelligence in 2020, well before the US begins its so-called decline.