Sunday, May 6, 2012

Elizabeth Warren Campaign Ad

Gary Fouse

Elizabeth Warren (note the high cheekbones)

Hello, voters. I'm Elizabeth Warren, and I'm running for the Senate in Massachusetts. What we need in the Senate is more diversity. I, as you know, was a trailblazer at Harvard when it comes to diversity. That's right. As you know, I am 1/32, Cherokee Indian as evidenced by my high cheekbones. According to family lore, my great, great, great grandmother had high cheekbones.

Well, enough about that. What you may not know is that I am also 1/32nd Hispanic. That's right.

You see, I am a direct descendant of Adolf Eichmann. He was born in Germany, as was his loyal wife. In the mid 1940s, they emigrated to Argentina because Adolf was a devotee of Hispanic culture. He even changed his name to Ricardo Clement in solidarity with Hispanic culture. Adolf had a son who married the daughter of another prominent German immigrant named Mengele. Together they had a son whom they named Jose, pictured below.

Jose Clement (Note the high cheekbones)

Well anyway, when Jose was 19, he came to the United States. To be specific, he was arrested by US Customs in New York trying to smuggle a kilo of cocaine. That's where I come in. You see, I was Jose's defense attorney. Not only did I get him off, but I also adopted him as my son.

So by my figures, I am also 1/32nd Argentine-American, in other words, Hispanic. That's right. Add that to my 1/32nd Cherokee blood, and I am 2/32nds underrepresented minority-or 1/16th. It's called "celebrating diversity".

So what do you want to vote for that milli vanilli white guy for? Vote for me cuz I'm the real deal.

(Who knows? Maybe she's related to Roberto Clemente.)

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